That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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