He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize