To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
