There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
