Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
