bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
