Your face is a jimmy john
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
