I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
