when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
