my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize