the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
