is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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