Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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