And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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