Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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