If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
