dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
