I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
