dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
