:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
