My pussy is not your playground.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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