You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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