playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
