dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
