dude i'm inner monologue high
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
