U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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