Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hippo gnu deer
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
