ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
