It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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