My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
