did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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