girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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