Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
