yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
