Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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