I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
