If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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