I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No subtext here. People are naked.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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