My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
