How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
