Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
