are you still at the devil's house?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
