I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
