Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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