First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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