p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
