I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
