Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
