I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
