did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
