i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
