ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
