I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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