Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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