We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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