Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
