I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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