We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
