peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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