dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
