you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
