you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
