I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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