Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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