I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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