Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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