I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
