she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
