he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
