there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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