You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
