i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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