When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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